On Marriage

Product Information

Particularly when it becomes tyrannical, when you really can’t afford not to be witty – then we know something must be up, right? So, that would be a question: Have you ever experienced antisemitism in London, either blatant, or low-level? From Freud to Ferrante, and One Thousand and One Nights to Fleabag , she looks at marriage in all of its forms – from act of love to leap of faith, and asks: what are we really doing when we say ‘I do’?

At the core of OCLW's new programme on Writing Jewish Women's Lives, our new series of afternoon literary seminars are a chance to discuss books by and about Jewish women. I had approached the book with a measure of doubt, wondering whether – being of an age with the author but never married – I would find myself excluded from its thesis. The low level or unconscious prejudices are the most common I’ve encountered, and the most interesting.

So, this is an extraordinary piece of family history – the survival of my family has to do with my ancestor being such a loser [laughs]. For anyone who has experienced, contemplated or rejected it, On Marriage offers a fascinating exploration of an institution that, for better or worse, “continues to shape and carry our human story”. Baum looks at marriage from multiple angles, legal and political, social and narrative, its interminability and its dailiness . If somebody tells you a joke well and fresh, and you get a laugh out of it, that’s a real relief – and it’s a strengthening moment, as well.

But the way I’m diagnosing resentment is as a more or less unavoidable aspect of globalisation and its discontents. AH: Also, making fun of yourself… At the conference “Contemporary British-Jewish Cultures” at Bangor University this month (March 2018) many speakers described this idea as something inherently Jewish, too. Pretty much all the positions I’ve encountered on the subject seem to me to have a great deal of validity.

There’s almost nobody I meet these days where I can’t very quickly detect the form their resentment takes – that is, the way in which they feel they’re not being heard, as if they’re being somehow silenced or marginalised, or as if their case isn’t permitted. Why, then, she wonders, has there been so little serious intellectual engagement with the idea of marriage? Exploring her own marriage has given Baum a unique vantage point from which to investigate the private intricacies of other people's arrangements . And I feel this is the case with all feelings – that they need to be admitted, even if only to yourself.

Because in comedy you can only get away with it by virtue of the fact that everybody thinks you’re ‘only joking’.AH: It’s so funny, because what you just said, I was thinking about my generation, and it seems to be quite the opposite, they see all these stand-up comedians – Bill Burr, Louis C. With Josh Appignanesi she is co-director, producer and performer of the films The New Man and Husband , which investigate the intimate dynamics of the filmmakers' own marriage. As I understand it, feelings are extremely political – because they tell us a lot about power: who has it, and who doesn’t. That really impressed me, because, you know, you read something about feelings, and that was a complete turn-over in my head.